


Endgame

by quiesce



Category: Hard Core Logo (1996)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-30
Updated: 2010-07-30
Packaged: 2017-10-10 23:38:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/105703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiesce/pseuds/quiesce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for the It's Okay To Say 'I Love You' fest.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Endgame

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the It's Okay To Say 'I Love You' fest.

Billy waits for a reaction but Joe just nods his head slowly and picks at the label of his beer bottle with a thumbnail.

"Well ok then," Billy says.

"Ok," Joe repeats back.

Billy stands and stares at Joe for a second. He knows the explosion's coming and he just wants to get it over with. And he knows that Joe knows that too, and that's why he's dragging the whole thing out, making Billy wait.

"Fuck this," Billy says, tired of Joe's bullshit games. He turns as if he's about to leave, trying to force Joe to make his move.

"So that's it?" Joe asks.

"Yeah."

"You're packing up, nice to know you, sayonara, off to seek fame and fortune as Mister Rock and Roll in the States?"

"Yeah."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"Leaving the band?"

"Yeah."

"Leaving me?"

Billy sighs. "Joe--"

"I fucking love you, you asshole. Do you even realize that?"

Billy whirls around. "Of course I fucking know that."

"And you're still just going to leave?"

"It's _why_ I'm leaving."

In all the fights they've had over the years, all the hurtful words flung out in anger, all the fists striking to bruise, Billy doesn't think he's ever seen Joe look as injured as he does now.

"You're leaving because I'm in love with you?"

"No, I'm leaving because _I'm_ in love with _you_," Billy says.

His words shut Joe up so effectively that Billy starts thinking of dozens of times when he could have told Joe, if only to get him to stop talking.

"You love me?" Joe asks.

Billy gives a slight nod then firmly says "I'm leaving."

"You're a fucking asshole," Joe says, and Billy nods at that too. "Jesus, if you knew then you should have said something years ago. We could have done more than the occasional fuck after a good show. We had more fun together than with any of those nameless groupies."

"If I said anything years ago, I would have left years ago."

"Then fucking take it back and I'll forget you said anything and you can stay here and we'll keep playing. You and me, me and you. We can keep John and Pipe or ditch them, I don't care, but we'll stay together and you don't have to leave."

Billy slumps against the wall, tired but not wanting to sit back down. "It won't work. It'll never work, Joe. I've played it out a hundred times and it never works. We're fucked up enough as is, just being friends or bandmates or fuck buddies or whatever. If we tried anything beyond that, it'd be bad. Really fucking bad. We wouldn't make it out the other side."

"Live fast, die young, leave a pretty corpse," Joe says flippantly.

Billy studies Joe's face. "You really mean that."

"Of course. You're the same."

"No, I want to be playing in 20 years, 30, as long as I can. And not in dive bars either, but actually make it. I can't do that if I stay here. With you. If I don't get out now, I never will."

"Would that be so bad?"

"Yes."

Joe goes silent again and Billy stands up straight, squaring himself for when Joe lunges at him swinging.

"Ok," Joe says softly.

"Ok, what?"

"Ok, go. Fucking leave if that's what you want to do." Joe sees that Billy's both taken aback and suspicious, waiting for the other shoe to drop, so Joe keeps talking. "I'm not going to stop you. I want you to stay, you don't want to stay, I want what you want, so I don't want you to stay either."

"Joe..."

"Don't make me fucking say it again."

"Joe..."

"Fine. I love you, you fucker, so go do whatever it is that'll make you happy. If that means being a big shot rock star with fancy cars instead of being here with me, go do that."

Billy drops his eyes, unable to hold Joe's gaze. "Thanks," he mumbles.

"Just--" Joe is across the room before Billy realizes and he has a hand on Billy's arm before Billy has a chance to take a step back. "Do you have to leave tonight?"

Billy shrugs. "My flight's in the morning. I'm already packed."

Joe strokes the inside of Billy's wrist with his thumb. "So not tonight then?"

Billy thinks no, thinks of all the reasons why this'll just leave them more fucked up than they already are, thinks of how much easier it'll be to get on the plane if they're just friends and fuck buddies with this thing between them that they never talked about until it was too late, thinks he might not leave if he fucks Joe now and wakes up beside him in the morning. "Let's go back to your place," he says.

***

Billy rouses at the sound of the alarm on his watch and shuts it off quickly, not wanting to wake Joe. He can do this as long as Joe doesn't wake up. He turns his head to make sure Joe didn't hear his watch beeping and finds Joe's side of the bed empty and cold. There's a note on his pillow, a page ripped out of a book Joe had borrowed from Billy years ago and never given back, covered with Joe's messy scrawl. Billy rolls out of bed and gets dressed before taking a look at Joe's note.

_cab's coming for you at 8 so you better not sleep through your fucking alarm, asshole_

Billy smirks and scrunches up the page, ready to toss it into the garbage, then he changes his mind and smooths it out, folds it in half, tucks it into the back pocket of his jeans, and grabs the rest of his things.

The taxi's already waiting for him when Billy gets outside. "Airport," he says, throwing his bag on to the back seat and climbing in.

_Goodbye, Joe_, Billy thinks as the cab pulls away. He doesn't look back.


End file.
